This Christmas i got to be home for 10 days and it was amazing. i did a lot of painting, reading, and just relaxing.  i enjoyed just spending time with my family.  besides working at the “bucks” there’s nothing new in my life besides the never ending surprises from the Lord.

One thing that i realized so deeply this Christmas is how meaningless life can be without the Lord, yet i don’t live with that foundation in my life.  i can’t deny that when i see people come into starbucks they seem so much happier and fulfilled then our christian box and ideals puts them in.  i’ve lived my whole life believing that it’s impossible to live without the Lord, but honestly people seem to be doing just fine.  i got so frustrated with myself because i’ve been looking at others that appear blind and i’ve had such a critical attitude.  Honestly, i don’t know if people are always blind; i think its more of a choice to be ignorant.  People don’t know that life can go deeper then living for themselves.  Or do we want to live selfishly? Because i know that i live in a similiar way.  Well i’m embarrassed to write that i don’t live as an example of a meaningful life.  i watch others (non-believers) wander through their days with as much joy and peace as myself.  Now sure they might have a “hole” they’re unaware of, but do i live my life with that “hole” filled?  Do i live with that peace and joy or do i try to fill the hole the way the world does?  Really this Christmas i realized that i’m just like everyone else.  We are all created in his image but im not sure i look in the right mirror?  It’s all about choices and i’m having to make some new ones this winter, always rememebering that the joy of the Lord is my strength and his grace is suffiecient for even me the worst of sinners. (I am learning tons from the life of Paul and the book of Romans)

Well it’s been a while since i’ve posted and i never thought i would start again with something so ugly, but there you have it.  A life that is trying to live a life with the hole filled.  My life won’t count until i realize that the Lord is source and my appetite changes for him and nothing else.  Let’s just say its been an interesting past couple months. SNAP!!!

So it’s winter break and although i thought i would have so much time.  I don’t.  To all my friends i hope to post sometime soon.  What’s great and what i will leave you with is God is so Faithful!  I’m sure you all know that and are experiencing it in your own lives.  Love you all.

Good tidings.

11 days til Christmas. YAY.

I just wanted to blog so everyone knew i was still alive.  sad i know. but i also wanted to stop and take a minute to glorify the name of the Lord.

I realized that today i am so blessed. God is financially providing for me in ways that i can’t believe. I have had a lot of doubts lately about why i’m here and my motives behind everything have been put under the microscope.  but i am overjoyed to report that i’m in the right place. (wow katie you’re slow) God is working in strange ways and my life is not easy but their is a constant joy.  I know that the main reason i am hear is to bless the name of Jesus and the people here and lately i have forgotten that purpose. (working to much) haha.

the greatest blessing God has given me is you guys.  i know i’m cheesy and i joke a ton about women being better then men, but we can’t live without eachother.  there are qualities we offer one another that cannot be refuted.  we might not talk all the time but being surrounded by you impacts me daily. especially you guys. thank you. i’ve tended to fall into bad relationships and friendships with guys and it is so comforting to have guys that actually love you as a sister not as a peice of meat.(for lack of a better term)  you push me to be a better woman of God which i’m finding is harder then my mom portrays it to be.   

so this is a shout out to all those that live out a selfless faith and unconditional love. it is not in vain.

“you are loved”-Josh Groban

just imagine i’m singing it to you all.

love you all,

Kathryn

So little housekeeping to take care of:

~my sister is officially in LA at school and i miss her tons

~starbucks is going great and if you all remember when i talked about that frustrating co-worker over the summer, now i know what God was doing. he was totally preparing me with how to be gracious and love unconditionally.

~i love my classes. this year is going to be awesome!

So God…. is so amazing. 

i think one of the only ways i can begin to explain what God is doing is type out the titles of songs i can’t get out of my head!

1. Your love is Extravagent-an incredible hymn that seriously is helping me change my attitude

2. In Christ Alone-another hymn but the focus of this year for me

3. Lord i give you my heart- just kidding guys i just wanted to make you laugh. its a great song though. very meaningful

4. Hosanna-OMGosh if only we would take that song as prophetic and run with it.

5. You are Loved (Josh Groban)-one of my favorite songs because its fun to interpretive dance to. jeje

6. Haley (Need to Breathe)-it gives me hope in a tough situation im going through right now. i have a hard time not listening to it everyday.

So its gonna take me a while to get back in the swing of things with blogging and all that.  the main reason i am doing this is because i miss the wordpress club (gang, posse, click) whatev! i’m so excited for the new friendships that have grown out of this group. also… i was wondering if you ever think to pray for me im really struggling with something right now. 

if any of you were in Pentateuch today when Glenda prayed over a group of us that are experiencing chaos. well thats me. but its all in my mind.  my thoughts will just not stop. i can’t sleep, because Satan will throw harmful thoughts, memories, and accusations at me. i know what i’m supposed to do. PRAY! and i have, and im just trying to claim freedom in this. one of those things that the blood of Jesus covers and i’m so thankful for. 

anyways i am so thankful for all of you.  what a blessing to be at this school with such amazing people were we get to learn together how deep and wide the grace of God is.  i’m so thankful that in any circumstance the joy of the Lord carries me. 

just to let everyone know i just finished HSM2 and it was AMAZING!!!  i’m at home for 2 days and i already miss PBC. its incredible how much you can fit in 2 places, i will never understand that.  anyways perfectionism is making me complete this blog i started in the beginning in the summer because i can’t leave things half finished. haha ironic 

My heart aches for my church and its sheep.  how is it possible to love a body of people that are so messed up? oh wait, because i am.  i feel so recieved at my church because they know me.  i have done testimonies, dramas, sermons, and solos (aww scary) in front of these people. they see the good, bad, and the disgusting. am i really in that fish bowl or am i looking out at the people from inside my “ocean” (meaning the overload that goes on in my brain, that i can’t fall asleep). i’ve kind of realized this summer how often i think others are watching and criticizing me, when in actuality I’m making myself think that.  It’s easier for me to think others are seeing the ugly in me and talking bad about me, when I’m the one whos doing all the talking. I’ve realized through many conversations this week that i beat myself up.  i condemn, critique, and create unwanted thoughts about myself.  Yes, i know my flesh is deadly (that sounds weird but work with me, i was up at 3 this morning) but i think i spend more time rejecting what God has made in me then rejoicing that i have a God that loves me unconditionally.

so many verses about love, but God brought me back to the basics. 

 1 Corinthians 13:4-9:
⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    ⁸Love never fails.

How do we get back to that kind of love?  the only way we can bless people is to love them. i know that my own flesh is not very loving. we have to spend time everyday with the creator of love. the master of romance and intimacy.  only then will we be able to change atmospheres.

so whether its starbucks, a hospital, or a church the key is love! so many songs just popped into my head. wow

oh by the way JOSH GROBAN this wednesday.  if only i could go, then i could learn to sing “YOU RAISE ME UP” the way Josh does.  well farewell for now.

I don’t know if you are all as excited as I am but I LOVE MY NEW ROOM!  I loved having a roomate last year but there is something about your own space.  I feel like I can just step into my time with my father because I’m not worried about my roomate walking in while I’m crying or spilling my soul into his hands.  Plus I just went to IKEA, quite the experience and I got such cool stuff. 

One of the things that I learned this summer was how much I don’t know scripture.  I’ve been raised in the church all my life but I never have had a knack for memorization.  Being home this summer I got to see the positive things it does in other’s lives and your own.  My mom is the greatest example of what it means to know the word.  I swear every time I went to her with something that was going on she had a scripture to counter it.  Even today she called me and gave me a scripture for what I was dealing with.  I know that something I need to work on this year is memorization.  It will strengthen the truth that is been placed in me and it will bring power to the needs we ask for. 

 Anyways I hope all is well.  I know that some intense situations are going on in all of our lives and it feels like I’m having to deal with my flesh more and more.  Which is good. God is bringing it to light what needs to change, but the light burns.  love you all

YAY. i’m so excited to be here and party…PBC style.

So i just wanted to post that my parents celebrated 19 years of marriage today.  Pretty much amazing.  They are such an example and inspiration to me! Anyways im ready to go back to Portland, the summer flew by and i can’t believe school is going to start.  This summer i have learned way to many things to blog but the biggest this has been God taking me off guard in every way possible.  The depth that has been “dug”? I don’t know how you would say that but all i know is im thankful.  What a season!  I know that you all are experiencing and basking in the faithfulness of Christ. 

See you all soon! Yay!

So my family is finally home. My brothers 10 year old baseball team won 3rd place in the state. YAY. The guys that came to the door I never figured out who they were. They didn’t have any papers with them and they weren’t dressed in suit and tie. They weren’t mormans and they weren’t salesmen.  All I know is that I have slept so peacefully since my family has been back.  Next time my family goes away for the week I think I will have a girls party and everyone can come over and eat my mom’s amazing leftovers. Sorry guys. So if any of you were concerned or wanted to hear funny stories there aren’t many.  Besides my dog escaping out of her crate and eating my brothers goldfish…haha so gross.  Well hope you are all having a blessed week.

Gods been showing me what it means to be humble in this season. Most of the time it requires humiliation, but I have never been more excited to mess up in my life.  If that makes sense.

So…my family is in Medford for the next few days and I’ve been home alone the last two.  I’m was not expecting God to do something specifically significant because of this time I have alone, but he has.  I have felt so alone in this house and it is eerie when you’re by yourself, so today I was eating breakfast and suddenly 2 guys came and knocked on my door.  They weren’t Mormans or Jehovah’s they looked like troublemakers to me at least. I was so scared and I called my daddy.  I have never felt so calm after I heard his voice.  My dad reassured me but also reminded me(I don’t think he knows he did it) that God is just waiting when I hit that place.  This summer God has been dealing with my fears and to let me call out on him in this situation was a step out of my pit of fear.  \

One other thing.  You all might not know this about me but I hate animals.  And lucky me I get to watch my families dog Sadie (named to rhyme with Katie) this week.  Suprisingly this dog has taught me something. haha sad, not really because God speaks to me in interesting ways.  Well yesterday I was taking this crazy animal on a walk and shes not exactly trained.  I took her off her leash and she wouldn’t come back to me for at least 20 minutes.  Even when I called and offered her rewards.  Then she took the biggest crap ever and I had to clean it up.  It was embarrassing and smelly and gross.  Now, its no coincidence my name rhymes with Sadie the dog.  I might not crap on God literally but my attitude and my selfishness has got to be smelly.  Anyways I’m sure you can see the resemblance without me pointing out all the embarrassing things Gods working in me.

Well love and blessings. If you think about me is please pray.  I’m still nervous about being home alone.